Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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