I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
