My sheets look like a crime scene.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
