**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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