We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize