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maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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