Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize