I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
