It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Vodka?
Forever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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