She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize