for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
