Got a toothbrush?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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