it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
