You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
