I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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