my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
