If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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