Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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