I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
