You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
