hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
