i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
