escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
