Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
