what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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