Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think people are normalizing furries
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
