the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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