well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
