It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
