Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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