Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize