so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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