Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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