Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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