just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My ass is underappreciated
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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