I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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