Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
