I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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