It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
