Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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