I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize