i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
