I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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