I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
