i permit you to call me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
