Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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