Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Less talking, more tequila
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
