What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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