I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
