I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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