One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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