i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize