i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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