no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
