I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
