yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize