nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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