I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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