Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
