he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
