Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
