I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
