Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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