Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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