I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's rum buckets o'clock
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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