after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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