just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
