Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
