made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
