Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
