Where did you get a picture of my penis
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
