i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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