he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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