Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
