You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
jump out the window naked night went bad
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