The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize