I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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