I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
