Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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