I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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