Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
