we're chasing vodka with high fives
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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