I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
