Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
