that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
