I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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