i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
