Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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