Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
