The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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