Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize