that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
