Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
high people should be assigned attendants
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
