Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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