$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
