went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
