..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
