i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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