I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize