You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
