She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
COCAINE IS GR8
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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