isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We have so much sex to catch up on
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
