The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
