Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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