Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
