YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize