I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
