I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
